Sunday, 10 July 2011

The Cult of F and the Camera Segrete

You are probably wondering why you haven't heard from me for the last fortnight or so? As well you might!

I finally managed to escape from the clutches of the henchwomen of the C of F after I had inadvertently bearded them in their lair, the Camera Segrete on the 40's corridor..

Having worked out that it was far too obvious to advertise their headquarters with a number like the ides (15 to the rest of you) I had been doing quite a bit of detective work and realised that there had been a trail of clues all along..

I must admit, I was a bit surprised that a tertiary research institution such as the BSR would actually have plastic citrus and fake bananas decorating its corridors..

...and I was intrigued by the tree collection around the corner..

I decided to enlist the help once again of St Anthony - I discovered that he had been sending me strong signals for ages, which I hadn't been noticing.

I found this picture hanging right bang next to a door with a strange sign on it...

(Just how has St Anthony been communicating with me these last three months.....?

And what exactly is in the middle of this painting????)

And here is the sign hanging on the door next to the umbrella picture

notice the pink nun's feet...(another clue!)

Anyway just as I was taking note of all this - the door swung open and the High Priestess grabbed me then and there and I was dragged inside...

it was terrifying.

The room looked like an ordinary linen room..

...but I soon found out that it hid a terrible secret

We haven't seen very much of David Beckham of late, have we?

I know why.

Or Johnny Depp..

(You'll notice that there is quite a lot of camera shake in that image - the reason being that poor Johhny was utterly terrified at the time and made the picture go all blurry...)

I kept hearing strange sounds - like muffled screams - coming from the wall by the window..

I looked up to see these hands where the sounds were coming from..

they looked deceptively like advertisements for expensive watches but they were in fact, David and Johnny calling desperately for help.

I of course, was powerless to do anything as I was by this time bound, gagged and slung in the corner of the room. It didn't take long for me to understand just exactly what was going on...

Very deep ancient roman magic - that's what!

Before my very eyes I watched as Johnny and David were metamorphosed..


The walls were plastered with kittens, puppies and bunnies

There was one wall with a few gaps on it...

I realised quickly just what my fate might be - it didn't help that they were feeding me on these strange little round brown biscuits and weird substances out of tins..

I got worried as the longer I remained captive the nicer the food became...On looking down at my feet, I got a bit of a surprise...

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